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Why am I still here? For this? UGH!

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I have these thoughts sometimes when things get rough: “Why am I sticking around just to suffer more…” NOT GOOD! This is not a fucking test. This is my alert that depression is cropping up again. That way of thinking serves nothing and no one. It is a servant of the abyss and well, that motherfucker is not the boss of me any longer.

Do you remember that little part I was telling you about that is healed? The part that doesn’t think everything sucks? Yeah, that part is rejecting the previous statement in a pretty defiant display that has me laughing to myself. I am very visual and the healed part just bare-assed mooned the abyss!

Feels kinda like that show Supernatural when Dean insults death and everyone’s, “OH SHIT, NOW WTF?” I half expect the abyss to rise up some big hand made of black water to drag me back but nothing happens. It’s like someone stopped the record with a screech. The silence was creepy¬†like impending doom but that doom never showed up.

—-deleted paragraph that was me just being too hard on myself because fuck that shit. Nice try though!—-

Back to what I was saying. Despite what dumb fucks say in every message system I have, I do have a lot to live for. The main reason I haven’t taken some way out to end all the pain is my family. It would hurt them and I can’t abide that even if that means I will suffer more. It’s worth it to me. I also just adopted a new family member. Her name is Lilly and she is a 5 lb, 3 year old smooth coat chihuahua(pics of her coming soon!).

Another reason to stick around: Become the crazy old dog lady! See steps below!

How to become a crazy old dog Lady in 7 steps!(I’m on step 2)

  1. Adopt a dog
  2. Adopt another dog
  3. Bake dog treats
  4. Get a house coat
  5. Flip off the neighbors
  6. Adopt another dog
  7. Live a long happy life