Abuse Survivors Adult Survivors of Child Abuse Child Abuse Survivors

I Lived

I won’t break myself part anymore and hide the pieces that you won’t accept.
The whole of me rejects being apart from itself any longer.
Pieces have become integrated.
Life is being lived.
I’m afraid.

I cry, I scream, I dance.
There is sitting for long silences and bursts of unrepentant laughter.
…and I LIVE.
I allow me to be myself and celebrate what that means every day.
I’m happy and grateful.
Just being me.
Becoming who I have the potential to be.

I forgive myself what had to happen to survive up to this point.
I thank myself for getting us this far.
Us, all of us, the little girl, the teenager, the young woman, and who I am today sitting with all of them and looking with compassion and sometimes wonder that we made it.
I made it.
I lived.

I’m not really sure what to do if it would be considered a bunch of words on the screen or a poem of sorts. It came from my heart so and how I feel today after recovering very dark place that I was in. I’m able to look back now and see that I made the right choice not to kill myself. I feel like I’ve conquered something. I had this feeling of, “They didn’t win” and “Fuck them!”

5 comments

  1. Jason m

    I enjoyed the last sentence you wrote I think a lot of people who have been abused should make that their motto each day they wake up. I believe that is a perfect way to start their day.

  2. Valerian V.

    Dear Sarah, I love your poem and it’s very touching. I wish I could write something useful but it is beyond my own experience. I found another rape victim on youtube and she is a little bit like you. Maybe she could give you something. “Its time we stop carrying it on our shoulders alone. Time to stop hiding and being ashamed. Time to stop punishing ourselves for the rape, again and again.” (Noa Maiman) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TJKoMJyqDA&list=PLE1rwP2j6Xw3tnO1ECbqWg6uOvlP_KxLb&index=1

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *