Abuse Survivors Adult Survivors of Child Abuse Complex PTSD My Story Overcoming Sexual Abuse

So, I Quit. Another New Chapter in My Life

I quit my job, my business, my career. I worked really hard for over a decade. I adapted and tried my best. I simply don’t have the emotional energy anymore. In order for me to keep going I have to put have to put my needs aside. I can’t do that anymore. I quit. I passed this test and lived. I chose myself. I’m really sick and down. I really really really don’t want to be in this dark place right now.

I’m really sad about it and it’s added to this new level of healing I’m in that includes grieving…lots of it. I almost tried to explain more but it sounds well, kind of like gibberish but that’s the healing process. I’m sad that I won’t accomplish some of the things I set out to do. I’m sad that my income will most likely suffer more due to this choice. I’d sad that I cannot do the job I love so much. I still love it and miss it.

So, what now? Well, I’ve been studying another business for a long time that will use many of the skills I taught myself in the adult industry. All the hours slaving away at updates, copy, video editing, seo, creating web pages, membership areas, getting payment processors integrated, configuring wordpress, plugins, ect will pay off in my next adventure. I’ve already gotten started but it’s not quite ready yet. What is holding me back is self confidence most of all. I’m working on it a little at a time when I’m feeling lucid along with the other hundred things I’m trying to fight with in my mind. I am way more sick than I let on most days. I do that for everyone’s benefit and to keep that little bit of denial alive so I can pretend to be ok. I can’t anymore and it’s heartbreaking.

I know I have been away and not posted in awhile. I haven’t felt like talking much. I had too much to process. This decision was very difficult and still is. I’m not going away though but I’ll be switching all my social media around for my new adventures. I still need time but I’m getting there. Thank you all for reading and the support you show me. I appreciate all of you even when I’m too sick to be online. One day at a time. I’m still here.

3 comments

  1. Matt

    I’m sorry that you’re leaving something you enjoyed and were good at, but also glad that you are doing what is best for you. Also that you have good options for the future. You’re a talented woman with a good heart and a lot of courage, especially emotional courage, so I’m confident you’ll get where you want.

  2. Daniel Gledhill

    Hi Sarah, this is upsetting to read, I assumed with you not updating on here that you were doing well 🙁
    Im sorry that you’ve had to give up a career and a passion that you enjoy and love….but, that being said as your title suggests this will be a new chapter of your life and who knows, it can be the chapter that sets you fee from all this pain.

    I do however feel that you should let on just how sick you are though to friends and family, don’t try and keep that bit of denial inside because it’s like a pressure cooker with no valve, if you close the valve and just keep boiling away then eventually all that pressure will find a way out. So open up fully let everything out, it’s hard, very hard as you know only too well, but in the end everyone benefits.

    I’m sorry to ramble on, please stay strong, you’re gonna get there.

    Dan

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *