Anxiety and Nausea Caused by PTSD

Well, I had a few good days and crammed in some work so hopefully I can keep paying my bills. The last 2 1/2 years have been a mostly sick me trying to keep up with work and stressing about it on top of dealing with the trauma that caused the PTSD. Yesterday, I experienced crushing sadness and I kept dissociating. Today, I’m experiencing nausea and a headache is threatening to appear. The sadness is still there…and I’m irritable. I am struggling again. I get a brief day or 2…

Why am I still here? For this? UGH!

I have these thoughts sometimes when things get rough: “Why am I sticking around just to suffer more…” NOT GOOD! This is not a fucking test. This is my alert that depression is cropping up again. That way of thinking serves nothing and no one. It is a servant of the abyss and well, that motherfucker is not the boss of me any longer. Do you remember that little part I was telling you about that is healed? The part that doesn’t think everything sucks? Yeah, that part is rejecting…

Unlocking Memories of Trauma- PTSD

Along with that beautiful memory I wrote about before that was much like warm honey I also unlocked another horrific memory yesterday that was the polar opposite. In the past this type of memory would have put me on my ass for a few weeks or even months. I call these new memories because I’m experiencing the memory for the 1st time but I’m remembering something that actually happened. Sounds fucked, I know, and it is. Again, my mind saved my life by locking this away until I was strong…

Pre-Trauma Me-Fight PTSD with LOVE?

Due to PTSD I have memory issues. My mind protected me by locking away memories so that child me could survive. I’m processing a little at a time as new memories of more trauma come through. The bad thing is that there are some days when I can’t remember much of anything about my childhood, good, bad, or otherwise. The whole damn things gets locked up and inaccessible. I can remember different things on different days. It is very frustrating and it could be part of my dissociation making me feel…