The Healing From PTSD Toolbox pt1

In the past few years I’ve dedicated my life to healing from PTSD.  I’m doing my best to survive through the healing process. I’ve learned a TON in this time and have built my own “toolbox” for helping myself through this tedious, frustrating, depressing process. I can feel a little part of myself that is healed. Now I want MORE because this little part of me that is healed and it is fucking beautiful. Loving myself and the love of others plus the hard work I’ve done has healed that little…

PTSD with Anxiety SUCKS- Don’t Panic

PTSD with anxiety is what I’m dealing with now. It has happened before and I’m sure it will many times as I cycle through the phases of healing. I really wish with all my heart that this process was faster. It takes as long as it takes. In the meantime, my heart races several times a day in the form of anxiety attacks. I’m doing my best to cope in healthy ways. I haven’t written on this blog for awhile. I think I needed some alone time. Some quiet. It’s…

My PTSD is Trying to Kill Me Again

“I will take your sleep which in turn robs you of your patience, your energy, and your ability to heal your physical body. I will take your peace of mind and replace it with daily terror and fear. I will fuck with your memory, some days you will be not be able to put 2 sentences together, or remember to take care of yourself. You will question everyone around you and wonder if you can trust them but I won’t stop there. I will slowly grind away at your ability to…

Living and Coping with PTSD

I just finished reading this book about PTSD called, “What’s Your Superpower?: Living and Coping with PTSD” by Bob Wagner. Usually I fly through a book, devouring all its bits much like I eat french fries but this was more like a fine steak dinner that you savor each part.  I had a lot of emotional reactions and cried a lot while reading.  I was triggered a couple times but I really loved how the author did not mince his words and got right down to the heart of what…

Hormones and PTSD

Hormone fluctuations can wreak havoc on someone who has PTSD. PMS plus PTSD is a combination of acronyms that are sure to make life miserable. In fact the last two weeks I have been having a really difficult time in dealing with life in general has the symptoms of my PTSD get amplified as well as my moodiness. I am kind of moody anyway I that I am one of those sassy kind of gals but this was not how I wanted to spend the two first two weeks of…

Effects of Sharing My Story of Childhood Sexual Abuse and My PTSD

When I started to share about my past and surviving childhood sexual abuse and partner rape I wasn’t expecting the outpouring of love and support. I certainly wasn’t expecting the “thank you” I received from many who also have PTSD, are going through depression, and have anxiety. It felt great to not be alone but then I was a little sad too that SO MANY people are suffering and suffering by themselves, not telling anyone. Let me tell you what I thought might happen which freaked me out a little…

Sexual Abuse and PTSD

I was diagnosed with PTSD at 11 years old. I wasn’t told much about it at the time other than its what the soldiers have. To my 11 year old brain, this meant I was a soldier and then I thought I was a BADASS(if only for a brief moment). Remembering this makes me smile. I didn’t realise until later how true that was. Living with PTSD is very difficult. The anxiety I feel that comes along with it can be paralysing. I filmed the above video to show others…

My Healing Accomplishments

Whew! It’s been about a year since I last updated my blog. I had to take a much needed break. I also couldn’t concentrate for shit. My PTSD had gotten to a point that I needed to get help again. I was feeling suicidal and my brain was all out of sorts with flashbacks, insomnia, and lot of other horrible symptoms I was trying to cope with on my own. You will see what I mean from the videos around October on my Patreon account. I finally got it through…

What Happens At Your 1st Psychiatrist Appointment?

For many that are afraid to get help(myself included) I wondered what it was like at the 1st psychiatrist appointment. Anxiety and the stigma kept me away from going for many years. I have recently went for the 1st time again in about 2 years. The 1st time was in Las Vegas to psychiatric nurse practitioner and on Friday I want to psychiatrist MD. Here is what happens. The first thing you do is arrive early to fill out paperwork. This can vary in my experience with the amount of…

Coping with Peace Instead of Abuse

Around the beginning of September I started to experience a big increase in insomnia, nightmares,  flashbacks, anxiety, and other CPTSD symptoms. I have had some time to think about this increase in symptoms and why the cycle has started up seemingly out of the blue. It’s not out of nowhere though. When you are in the thick of things, it can be difficult to see clearly what is going on. I am coping with less abuse. I didn’t realize that I was putting up with so much until I wasn’t.…